This last year I have spent more time than in my whole dating career thinking about why it seems so difficult to date, mid-life, in our modern times.
The internet does provide an avenue to know the people out there who are hoping to find something; love, dating, marriage, sex, a travel partner. We have a profile out there - but our lives are so much more difficult than in our 20's and 30's. Still, we are more in the dark than if we had met them at work, or at a health club, or at a Greenpeace rally where we can get to know someone over time.
Once we do meet after a few phone calls....I have found guys who are divorced and wanting something - but not quite over the relationship (the unique "we" that was created). He knows he doesn't want to go back with his ex because she was "whatever" and that didn't work out, but maybe the dynamic they had was comfortable and he hasn't actually dealt with that. The assets are divided, he lives a separate life in a different place, but the kids are now the biggest issue and lawyers are still involved. I actually overheard someone say, "I just wish he/she would just go away" about the other half - and I'm not sure murder wasn't on this person's mind.
We might say we have a baggage free life, but if we printed the truth - everyone has some baggage. Maybe we want to seem normal - not present our issues too soon because getting to know a new person takes time. To me my life seems normal and to me my baggage is minimal - but to someone else, maybe not so much.
At times in my dating - I have felt like I have too few pieces of the puzzle of my date to make a wise decision if I should hang in there with the person or move on because I can't deal with the bits of information I'm getting. Maybe he too grumpy, or distant, or maybe I'm just being juggled with other women and he thinks he's being smooth. Maybe he sees me as needy if I listen to his rants about his situation with the ex. All my books say "bla bla bla" about this situation.
And yes, now I am in the light because I'm not trying to deal with someone else who only shows me what they want to show me. And it is just me - and I know me.
Or I take the gamble and stick around a while.
It's risky business for each of us
